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Why conflict isn’t always bad

October 21, 2011

Conflict. Confrontation. Argument. They’re not words that bring images of smiling faces and laughter and sunshiny days to mind, now are they? Many people actually shutter when they hear these words. Confrontation? No thank you, I’ll just make a snide remark instead (the passive-aggressive approach never works, people!). On the verge of an argument? We’ll just push that issue right under the rug there and move along as if nothing happened. (Also not the best idea.) And here’s why.

Most of the time, a couple needs to argue. That’s right, I said needs. Think about it. What brings about conflict in a relationship? A miscommunication, an unsolved problem, a sensitive issue. In a perfect world, we’d all be able to discuss these things without emotion. We’d be able to set aside our hurt feelings, our unmet expectations, and talk face-to-face about whatever was bothering us. But guess what? We don’t live in a perfect world.

I know, I know. You’re shocked.

But those miscommunications and unsolved problems–they need to be discussed. And because we’re all human beings with imperfections and flaws {as well as complicated emotions and hot buttons} we’re sometimes unable to carry on a proper discussion in the heat of the moment. So, we raise our voices a little. We get frustrated with one another. We disagree.

But if you stick with it, if you’re determined to figure it out and brave enough to work through the disagreement, you know what else will happen? Resolution.

I’m not saying that shouting matches are good for your relationship. And I’m certainly not saying that hurtful, spiteful, or aggressive arguing is acceptable. I’m not talking about the extremes here. What I am talking about is conflict. Arguments, disagreements, heated discussions. You get my drift. Many people are so put off by confrontation that they run from it completely. But you can’t. You just can’t. And my point is this: It’s much, much better to argue than to dismiss the issue and never talk about it.

Because conflict isn’t always bad. Sometimes it’s even necessary. It puts your issues out there, makes you stare them in the face, stare each other in the face, and DEAL WITH IT. So, don’t fear it. Work through it. Do it for the sake of your relationship.


Photo via Style Me Pretty.

7 Comments leave one →
  1. October 21, 2011 4:14 pm

    I agree. For me the key is learning to argue better. Trying to listen, be respectful and accountable for my own actions is key for me. Thank you for your post.

  2. October 21, 2011 5:22 pm

    Here, here, to something that SHOULD be discussed when we talk about weddings and love and all that good stuff, and to such a wonderfully written discourse. John and I have finally learned, after more than 5 years together, how to come at an argument so we actually resolve what’s bugging us (read: me), and man is that awesome. I gave him a high five after our last quarrel, we kicked so much fighting ass!

  3. Aletha permalink
    October 22, 2011 10:36 am

    So girls …. Put your ‘big girl’ panties on … and deal with it ! Great advice !

  4. Bridget permalink
    October 22, 2011 11:10 am

    Mmhhmmmm guuuuuurl!

  5. October 24, 2011 1:48 pm

    MostLikelytoMarry: Love that you included the piece about being accountable for your own actions. That is key indeed!

    Lena: A high-five after an argument is pretty much the best thing I’ve ever heard. You guys are awesome. 🙂


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